We are paper pregnant!

Yes it's true.  I'm sure you haven't noticed us showing yet, as right now there are only a few pages, all the initial forms.  But soon it will grow and expand with home studies and dossiers.  Affadavits and medical exams.  Notaries and biographies.  And before you know it, it will be obvious to anyone who sees my adoption binder- we are paper pregnant!

I had all intentions of not telling people until our dossier was submitted.  Well, maybe not that far along, maybe once our home study was competed.  But ahh, nope I couldn't contain it.

I suppose it's fitting.  With each of our pregnancies, we would think, we will wait until we are 12 weeks to let the world know.  But then something would happen each time I saw that line or the doctors office would call with positive results of blood work.  My heart would explode- life!  I am carrying a life...phone calls to family and friends.  And surely the lady checking me out at the grocery store and the postman....they must all want to know.  I suppose in some ways it was me needing them to know.  Because I didn't know how long it would be true.

And although experts may say it's better to protect your heart, my inability to keep quiet was exactly what my heart longed for.  For each of those precious lives had people loving them and cheering for them.  If it was 9 weeks or 5 months, each baby was loved and prayed for and wanted and delighted in.
And from each loss flowed torrents of tears, not from our eyes alone, but from all that had hoped and journeyed with us.  This is not a journey to be made alone.  Our companions have upheld us, comforted us, encouraged us and celebrated with us.
Now, as we begin another long and winding road, my heart jumps at the chance to say, come along with us.  There will be clouds and there will be bright sun.  There will be opportunities to develop patience and a chance to dive into another culture.  It will be closer to two years than to nine months and the journey will birth a 3-5 year old instead of a newborn.  But it will be one of the sweetest journeys, one full of redemption and twists and turns, one of surprise and anticipation....until one day when Samuel will say I am a big brother.