Turning 45

I turned 45 yesterday. I'm not sure I'm liking the sound of it.  I've never minded birthdays, I liked turning 30 and even 40.  But this, well It sounds so…"mid forties".  I don't think mid 40s is old, it's just that I don't think I should be there yet.  When my parents were in their mid forties, I had been out of college a few years.  And I, well I have an almost five year old.

Here are some of my observations about turning 45.

  • People have always thought I'm younger than I am.  Always.  Until recently.  When I was 22, I wasn't so excited someone thought I was 16.  But when I hit my early 30s, I kind of liked that people thought I was 25.  And at 40 I welcomed that people thought I was early 30s.  But recently when I say my age, no one seems surprised.  I even pause a little bit- "I'm 45"  and then wait for them to say something like "No way, I can't believe you are in your 40s".  Nope.  Hasn't been happening the last year or so.
  • Flexibility.  It has significantly decreased.  And I don't mean going with the flow if plans change.  I've always had great flexibility.  The other day I went to put my socks on.  My normal process is to stand on one foot and raise my other knee up.  I noticed two things.  First, I had to lean against the wall to keep my balance.  And second, my knee didn’t come straight up...it was at a 45 degree angle in order for me to reach my foot.  Hmmm, how did that happen?
  • Being a mom.  I was 40 when Samuel was born.  And there are awesome things about being an older mom.  (Just like I think there are awesome things about being a young mom).  I love that many of my friends kids are now in high school and college...and they have taught me so much about parenting.  Especially in the sense of what things to be concerned about and what things are just not a big deal. I think that has made me a more relaxed mom.  And I know I have more patience and perspective than I did 20 years ago.  But I have a lot less energy than I did even 10 years ago.  I think Samuel is on to me.  He is realizing that when we play hide and seek, I always choose to hide under a blanket on the couch or the bed.  And that when we play star wars, I choose the character with the least light saber action.  And that I probably don't need to go to the bathroom as much as I say- I wonder if he knows those are just rest breaks.
  • The other thing that is hitting me is that I will always be 40 years older than Samuel.  That sound obvious huh?  But often, I don't imagine me growing older as I think of him growing.  And then it hits me.  I will be 58 when he graduates high school!  So lately I've been telling him that I would like him to marry young so that I can still be alert as a grandmother.

Do you know that I am three years older than Rob?  Other than the occasional disconnect on songs and movies from our high school years, three years doesn't seem like much difference. 

So in conclusion this is what I have decided to do.  The three year difference seems minimal, I think I could just as easily be three years younger than Rob as three years older.  So I am officially deciding to make the swing...and this seems like a good year to do it.  Happy 39th Birthday to me!

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